


Boners and Dildos

by SemiFeralCatLady



Series: Wait Until the Dust Settles [3]
Category: It's Always Sunny in Philadelphia, Murder Party (2007)
Genre: Ableist Language, Addiction, Budding Love, Canon Typical Awfulness, Codependency, Crossover, F/F, Female Friendship, Female Protagonist, Fights, Fluff and Angst, Horrible People Being Horrible, Mental Health Issues, Rape Threats, Toxic Relationships, Transphobia, Women Being Awesome, bad childhood memories, i love villains, irresponsible behavior
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2018-05-13
Updated: 2018-05-13
Packaged: 2019-05-06 02:06:35
Rating: Mature
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 4,767
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/14631837
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/SemiFeralCatLady/pseuds/SemiFeralCatLady
Summary: The girls have taken to the streets now, in an attempt to feed their addiction. On their way, they discover more about each other and continue to strengthen their bond.





	Boners and Dildos

**Author's Note:**

  * For [SilverRockets](https://archiveofourown.org/users/SilverRockets/gifts), [Hermit9](https://archiveofourown.org/users/Hermit9/gifts), [fightingdreamer1000](https://archiveofourown.org/users/fightingdreamer1000/gifts).



> Ok! I'm likely going to be going through and making little alterations here and there! I had a great time writing this! My girls are so completely reckless and irresponsible, and I can't deny, I loved every second! I really don't know where this series will end at this point.
> 
> So they take a little detour in this chapter. The world of borderline people tends to be dramatic. But I'd love your feedback with this because I want to make sure I'm doing this right. I tried to keep it as natural as I could, so let me know if it worked or not. And stay tuned for more...
> 
> Oh yeah! And don't do coke, kids! It'll mess up your lives! Even if you think Dee and Lexi are cool, you can't deny they're messing up their lives.

The night was warm and humid. A muggy evening typical of the city this time of year. The two tall, gaunt women walked hand in hand as if they’d known each other for years. And in a strange way, it almost felt as if they did. Their hands, no longer frigid, nor clammy with slick moisture, now comfortably embraced one another, taking in all the smooth, sensual details of one another.

Lexi lead the way, in their determined, confident stride. She was no longer wearing the glasses she had on before and had untwisted the tight bun that her dark hair had been knotted in, allowing it to blow freely in the wind. It looked wild now, and a bit unkempt. Slightly greasy, but free. Dee could smell the shampoo she had used. It was fragrant, and had a flowery accent, so she reasoned that the oiliness was likely a result of cocaine binge she had just been on and questioned the integrity of her own.

Lexi was grinning impishly, as Dee had seen her do earlier in the night, though it was different somehow this time. She was included this time, and she could feel the illicit pleasure which she was sensing in her partner. But she realized that she still had no real clue where the two were going, and could feel the anticipation beginning to boil over. Maybe it was partly the stimulants which still swam around in her blood that was pushing all this tension to the surface. But it was time to break the silence and get some answers.

“So, uh… Where are we actually going?” Dee asked.

“Oh, right! We’re going to see my stupid, dildo friend, Macon!” Lexi responded cheerfully.

Dee smirked a bit. It seemed like Lexi didn’t have much more luck keeping good company than she did. Still, at least he had drugs apparently. So it couldn’t be all bad. After all, nothing about the statement had altered Lexi’s tone. But it still made her curious. She chuckled at the statement.

“So he’s a stupid dildo, and he’s your friend? Is he like, a friend with benefits or something?”

Lexi pulled her face into a look of mild disgust.

“Oh, fuck no! Not Macon! He’s like… he smells like dog farts. And he’s really fucking stupid. Scruffy. Spazzy. He reminds me of a giant five-year-old! I do have my standards still.”

Dee laughed.

“Yeah! That sounds a lot like my friend Charlie! Really fucking stupid! Kind of funny though. I miss the little boner!” Dee found herself surprised to be admitting. Lexi met eyes with Dee and smiled.

“Ha! That is kind of funny. You and I having similar stupid friends! Macon’s probably the least shitty friend I have though. Well, other than Sky, but she’s such a snob about using chemical drugs like cocaine. It’s like ‘bitch! Don’t you realize that E you drop is chemical as fuck? Get the fuck off your high horse!’”

“Yeah! I really don’t have any female friends at home. Not unless you count Artemis, I guess, but goddamn is she a bitch! Half the time, I think she’s just hanging out to fuck with me!”

Dee felt Lexi’s hand tighten a bit around her own, but she could sense it was coming from a place of sympathy, gauging off of her expression.

“Oh man! That sucks! I don’t know what I’d do if I was the only girl in my circle. I’m glad I’ve got Sky. At least she balances out the douchiness of my other guy friends. My brothers too. Fucking, all the guys I know treat me like I’m just some stupid bitch! It’s so sexist! Well, except for Macon, but like I said. He’s an idiot!”

Dee sighed.

“Yeah, well it must be nice having one guy friend who doesn’t constantly shit on you, at least. And what’s this about your shitty brothers?” Dee asked, now very curious.

“Oh right! Well, I really only see one of them anymore. And that’s my twin. Alastair. We call him Laci. I know, it’s kinda’ weird. But he picked it out actually. He acts like he’s so much better and smarter than me because he became a nurse or whatever, but he’s still just as much of a stupid club kid as he ever has been.”

“Wait, he wanted to be called Laci? Is he like a tranny or something?” Dee asked brashly.

Lexi’s face contorted to an almost violent expression, causing Dee a sense of deep uneasiness.

“Don’t fucking use words like that, Dee! It’s not cool! I’ve been liking you so far. Don’t make me hate you!”

“Woah, fuck! Ok. I’m backing off. I didn’t realize that was a sore subject.” Dee shrank a bit.

“More trans people get killed per capita than any other demographic, ok! It’s not cool to just go throwing shit like that around. Anyway, he’s queer. Not trans. And that’s not why he sucks! He sucks ‘cuz he’s an asshole.”

“Alright, shit! I’m sorry ok. I really never thought too deep into the subject. One of my dumb-ass boner friends was dating this tran… this trans girl, and everyone called her ‘the tranny’, so I guess I never thought about it.” Dee tried to rationalize.

“Whatever, just think about that kind of shit before you say it, ok? It makes you sound retarded!” Lexi reprimanded.

Dee decided that a change in subject was sorely needed.

“So, you said he’s in the club scene? Your brother?”

“Well yeah, but… he treats me like an embarrassment most of the time and pretends he doesn’t know me when we get to the door. It’s really fucking douchey!” Lexi snarled. Dee flashed a look of surprise towards Lexi.

“What’s up?” the dark haired girl asked.

“No, it’s nothing. Just. My brother did the exact same thing to me last year. I shit you not.”

“Really?” Lexi said, more than a bit stunned by the similarity.

“Yeah. And we’re twins, too. It’s actually freaking me out a bit!” Dee shook her head.

“No shit!” Lexi said.

“Yeah. It’s almost like we hang out with the same dickwad friends!” Dee laughed.

“Yeah! The really fucked up part, we’ll take Sky with us a lot of the time, and he’ll fucking take her in. She never has my back. She tells me my dancing is embarrassing. She’s kind of a dildo too sometimes, now that I think about it. I mean, sometimes we bring Paul, and he does the same thing, but I expect it from him!”

Dee squeezed Lexi’s hand and passed her a knowing glance.

“Sounds like you hang out a real bunch of boners!” Dee smiled. “Just like me.”

“Oh, I haven’t even told you about Bill, yet! He’s the fucking worst! Like, he always just mopes around, staring holes in me like he wants me to die. And he usually leads my other friends when it comes to insulting my intelligence and calling me weird looking. Goddamn, he’s a dick!”

“I think I have one of those in my group too, actually. This boner called Mac, he thinks he’s such a badass! He always calls me a fucking bird! Hasn’t changed since high school!” Dee complained.

“Really? That’s kind of crazy. I’ve known my douche a little longer. Since middle school. He’s held a grudge against me and Sky since we named our gang… Oh god! We used to call ourselves a gang!”

Dee blushed, not wanting to admit that she and her own friends still referred to themselves as such.

“My dumb boner friends used to do that shit too. They called themselves ‘the Freight Train’. It was so lame!”

Both girls laughed.

“We called ourselves ‘the Pretty Petty Thieves’.” Lexi shamefully admitted.

“Wow, yeah! That’s pretty fucking dumb! What’s it from?” Dee snickered.

“Oh, it’s a lyric from a Morrisey song. Laci was cool with it. He liked being called pretty. Bill thought it made us sound like a bunch of posers though, and he wanted to call us ‘Bill’s Psychos’. He never got over that shit. He’s such a baby!”

“Yeah, guys like that usually are!” Dee affirmed. “So you actually got to be a part of your gang back then?”

“Oh yeah! We were all each other had! I mean, we ditched each other a lot, and shit like that. I got ditched too. But like, of course, I was part of it. Why? Weren’t you?”

Dee shook her head with a sigh.

“Not until after college, when we started working at our fucking bar! No, I was a total outcast in high school. I used to just hang out with the stragglers, like this one fat chick. Everyone called her Fatty McGoo!”

“Damn! That’s fucked! So even your own brother didn’t hang out with you?”

“Oh god no! I had this back-brace back then. He wouldn’t be caught dead with me!” Dee groaned.

“Shit! I thought I had it bad. All I had was headgear.” Lexi sighed.

“Well, headgear’s pretty bad. What’d they used to call you? Tin grin? Train tracks?”

“Actually, I was the Alley Monster. Well after sophomore year at least.”

“Alley monster? Shit! You’re kidding?”

“Yeah, well. They used to call me Handle Bars, until this one day when my dildo friends abandoned me after we all dropped acid. I was alone in the alley across the street from school, and dancing by myself, and this one bitch, Claudia Prince spotted me, and all her piece of shit friends started laughing at me, so I lost my balance and fell into some trash juice. Jesus, high school sucked! So yeah, I was the Alley Monster after that.”

“That is so freaky, though! People used to call me the Aluminum Monster! It’s like… I mean, how many fucking coincidences are we gonna’ run into, here?” Dee laughed in disbelief.

“I think it might be destiny!” Lexi beamed.

“Whaaat? I don’t even believe in God, let alone bullshit like that!” Dee deflected.

“Neither do I! I’m just saying, there’s like, an uncanny level of similar bullshit that the two of us have had to deal with. I’m starting to feel like whatever the fuck is going on here, it was meant to be!”

Dee looked at Lexi intensely and noticed her glowing like the sun. Though she still looked as morbidly pale as ever, there was a wild vibrancy in her that she hadn’t seen before. Like an alley cat on the prowl. Her blue eyes now sparkled like an entire sea of diamonds. Or crack rocks…

“So this guy we’re seeing? Is he like a dealer?” Dee asked, not wanting to get too sidetracked from the mission at hand.

“Macon? No! He’s too stupid to be a dealer.”

“Ok, so why does he have crack?” Dee followed up.

“Because he got some for me way back in the day when he heard I was using coke!” Lexi answered.

“Dude, he got you crack and you didn’t try it?” Dee said incredulously.

“Well yeah! I mean, I didn’t want to lose my teeth or shit like that.”

“That doesn’t happen! Not if you’re careful at least. Man, you were a drug snob!” Dee reprimanded. Lexi smirked and shook her head.

“Ok, you got me. I was a total drug snob back in the day. But I mean, look. You’re opening me up to new experiences Dee! I think that’s part of why we work together!” Lexi smiled.

“So what makes you think this Macon guy still has your rocks?” Dee asked.

“Well, first of all, he bought like, waaaay too much! It was like, this giant sandwich bag full. I have no idea how he got it. He probably jacked his parents’ money or something. Secondly, Macon never throws anything away! I think he’s a hoarder!”

“Wow! It seems like this boner really has a thing for you.” Dee grinned. “He’s reminding me more and more of Charlie.”

“Who’s Charlie again? He’s like, your stalker now?” Lexi asked.

“Not me. There’s this fucking lame ass coffee shop waitress that he’s obsessed with. Seriously forgettable!” Dee corrected her.

“Oh. What’s her name?” Lexi followed up.

“Fuck if I know! We all just call her ‘the waitress’!”

“Well yeah, but like. Doesn’t Charlie say her name constantly?” Lexi pushed.

“No. He also calls her the waitress.” Dee laughed. Lexi joined her.

“Man! That is really pathetic! At least Macon knows my name!” Lexi nudged.

“Yeah, well, Charlie… I’m pretty sure he’s brain damaged from all his years of huffing.”

“Oh, Charlie…”

“Dykes!” a call from a passing car thundered in their direction, immediately interrupting the two girl’s train of thought, and pushing them both instantly into a coke driven fury.

The two girls scanned the area to see if they could spot the offending party. Lexi reached into her purse, and dug around for a second, pulling a small bottle of red nail polish, and gripping it tightly. Dee herself had reached down and scooped a small, jagged piece of loose pavement from the ground beneath their feet. It seemed like they were on the same wavelength again. Continuing to search the area for the source of the slur, they desperately tried to force themselves to remember everything about the circumstances of when they heard it, hoping that it might provide some sort of clue as to who they should be looking for.

After about ten seconds, Lexi spotted a window being rolled up at the light. She tapped Dee on the shoulder and pointed to a blue-grey sports vehicle with a modified spoiler being driven by a young man in his early 20’s, wearing an unbuttoned shirt with flame print on its sleeves, sporting a buzzed haircut. There was one passenger that the girls could see, Another frat-bro type, with a small, green dyed goatee, wearing a Yankees cap sideways. The two douchey guys were laughing and talking to one another, and while this did not actually confirm anything in any real sense, in the two girl’s minds, this was damning evidence.

Without hesitation, both girls flung their objects as hard as they could at the offending vehicle, and watched as the bottle shattered on the rear bumper of the vehicle, spewing its runny red contents all about the backside of the car, while the pavement chunk thwacked dead center of the rear windshield, leaving a prominent crack in the glass. The driver froze for a second, then turned on his hazards, to exit his vehicle and check the damage, angrily.

“You shouldn’t shout bullshit out of your car at girls you don’t know, dildo!” Lexi shouted.

“Yeah, bitch! Why don’t you come say that shit to our faces, and we can show you what dykes we really are? Maybe we could ram our fists up your asses and have ourselves a dude-bro puppet show, ya’ boners!” Dee added.

The two girls began to flip the young man off, and make all forms of obscene gestures when they noticed him open his trunk and procure a tire iron from the back. At this point, his passenger exited the car, followed by two more angry looking young men from the back seat who had managed to escape their attention until now.  The two girls looked at each other with a rush of both excitement and terror, before Lexi once again took Dee’s hand, and began to run, kicking her heeled shoes off so that they wouldn’t impede her. Dee did the same, and the two barefooted girls took off into an alley, hearing the furious clatter of the young men’s feet hitting the blacktop in the distance.

The alley that they turned down had no exit or fence. They were faced with a brick wall too tall to climb. There were no available fire exits that the two could see, however, there was a dumpster. The two looked at one another uneasily. Neither one wanted to climb in. Lexi checked the underside of the filthy receptacle, and quickly pulled Dee to the ground. There appeared to be just enough clearance for the two fit.

Without hesitation or words, the two women shimmied on their bellies through the oil and grit of the alley floor, securely hiding amongst the bits of alley filth and chewed gum. They could feel the scum beneath them caking into their skin and clothes, but at the moment, they couldn’t be bothered to worry about it. The frenzied footsteps grew louder. They saw eight shoes enter the alley and stop, beginning to shuffle in all directions.

“Where’d those little sluts go? It’s a fucking dead end!” One voice cried out.

“They probably crawled into the dumpster! Gross skanks!” A second voice responded.

Two loud bangs crashed against the sides of the container that they hid beneath, sending reverberations which traveled through the young women’s spines, and spread out towards their extremities. They assumed it was the tire iron which produced this percussion, and did their best to remain as silent as they could. Lexi stifled a squeal, as she felt what she assumed was a cockroach scuttering up her skirt, past her right thigh, and taking refuge at the base of her soft panties. Now was not the time to be grossed out.

“Come on out you little whores! You can’t hide in the trash forever!” the first voice bellowed.

A creaking sound proceeded a whoosh, followed directly by a crash. The green steel lid of the dumpster rang out its wail as it violently collided with the bricks behind it They had apparently opened the lid. The nauseating, moldy smell of garbage now wafted through the alley. Acridly sweet, and sulfurous, the odor of detritus spread through-out. A gagging sound could be heard from one side, as the two girls watched a splatter of oily, orange and grey vomit hit the ground a few feet away.

“Aw, Jimmy! Sick dude!” the first voice said.

“Sorry guys! I’m out! I can’t do this shit!” a voice cried, presumably belonging to Jimmy.

One set of feet trampled out of the ally way, leaving the other six sneakered feet remaining.

“Fucking pussy!” the first voice cried out before the feet of two of the men approached the dumpster to inspect.

“Fuck! Those trash hoes must’ve buried themselves deep! Scotty! Get in here and look for ‘em!” the first voice ordered.

“Dude, why me man?” Scotty, the second voice whined.

“Because you’re the dumb shit that forgot to bring a weapon! Now dig, bitch!” the leader demanded.

They heard a loud sigh, as they watched Scotty’s feet extend upward and disappear from their vision, feeling the floor of the dumpster vibrate just above them as he touched down in a sloshing crunch. The putrid air billowed out and flowed through the alley once again, flooding every nostril with the stench of lukewarm maggots and rotten meat. Dee and Lexi both fought their every impulse to wretch, as Lexi finally felt the unwelcome visitor who had nestled itself against her groin skitter away, and towards the smell. At least that particular indignity had solved itself. The sound of digging could be heard from above, as a dejected voice moaned.

“Fucking flat chested dumpster sluts! I swear to God we’re gonna’ spit roast you ugly whores when we dig you up!” Scotty threatened.

“I call their buttholes!” a yet unnamed voice called out from the left.

“Shut up, Todd!” Scotty growled.

Dee began to rifle through her purse as the rummaging continued, using the noise of Scotty’s digging for camouflage. She searched urgently for the bottle of defense spray that she had purchased the day after she was mugged. Her slender fingers brushed across the various contents of her purse rapidly, in a race to locate that tiny, glossy cylinder, until she was certain that she had located her target. Lexi rummaged through her own handbag, frantically attempting to find a small pocket knife she had stowed away for just such an emergency, when suddenly before she could attain anything of use, she felt a familiar buzzing begin to rattle through her small clutch and across her fingertips. Before she could react, a tinny, echoey jingle began to fill the air. Dee stared at Lexi with an irate frustration.

_How did this bitch forget to turn her goddamned phone off!_

The sound of a thud was heard as the leader of this group, dropped to the ground and stared at the two girls through the space beneath the dumpster. He flashed a malicious grin, as he leaned in to try to swing his tire iron underneath.

“Nice try, you stupid bitches! Next time turn your cell phone off before you hide!”

“Goddamn it, Lexi!” Dee cried out, whipping the tiny object out of her purse and pointing it towards the face of her attacker, feeling a buzz zip through her fingertips that she wasn’t expecting. Dee and Lexi both stared in profound disappointment at the tiny plastic vibrator that she held two feet away from her attackers face. The buzz haired man balked at her mistake.

“Oh my god, dudes! You gotta see what this stupid cunt just pulled on me!” He said, crawling forward, causing the girls to retreat slightly. The man inched forward, his arms and broad chest scraping along the ground, as he attempted to crawl underneath and grab them. Suddenly, with a feeble jerk forward, he stopped. He wriggled a bit in place, then attempted to jerk himself backward to no avail. He appeared to have jarred himself stuck. He continued attempting to wriggle out, only seeming to only to wedge in deeper.

“Fuck! Todd! Get my legs!” He called out to the man behind him. Some footsteps came running after, as the loud clack of a baseball bat rang near his feet. Dee and Lexi each slithered in opposite directions to exit the dumpster from the sides. Dee aimed her body straight towards the fallen weapon, as the leader panicked.

“Shit! Look out guys! They’re gonna…”

Before he could finish his sentence, Lexi had managed to pull herself back to the surface, shooting her hand up to grab the lid of the dumpster near its base, and pull down, while pulling herself to her feet. The lid swung down in an instant, colliding with Scotty’s skull, and delivering a concussive knock out blow to the cap-wearing man.

Todd stared in disbelief and rage as his friend collapsed before him. He dropped his other friend’s legs, ignoring the agonized shout as his knees smashed into the pavement. He reached down, in a squat, to procure his dropped bat, only to feel a tug on the other end. He looked around and found Dee staring at him. Her one hand clasping to the handle of the bat, as her other swung forward, producing the tiny can of high power defense spray which she had just managed to locate before her departure from her dumpster prison. Without hesitation, she pressed the trigger of the device, spraying a stream of noxious fluid directly in his face, causing him to cough and release his grip on the bat, sending both hands instinctively to his inflamed eyeballs.

Dee seized the opportunity to properly grip the bat, and drive it swiftly into the young man’s abdomen, forcing him to double over. Dee continued to whack the man with her new found weapon, until he was resting firmly on the ground, twitching. She spat on him, and wiped her mouth on her greasy sleeve, ignoring the disgusting grime for just a moment.

“You like that, bitch? That’s for threatening to assfuck us!” Dee growled.

Lexi ran over and kicked the fallen attacker in his already bruised ribs, raising another labored howl of pain.

“Yeah, fuckers! Who’s the bitch now?”

“Still you!” the voice of the man stuck under the dumpster cried out.

Lexi turned, and swung her foot wildly between the leader’s legs, connecting with the man’s testicles, causing her to lose her footing a bit and stumble downward, only just avoiding spilling over on her bottom as she had back in high school. The cry of pain from her victim was gratifying enough to allow her to ignore the embarrassment she felt over the awkwardness of her execution. She grinned devilishly.

“Shut up, dumpster bitch! You don’t get the last word!” Lexi gloated.

She looked over to see Dee’s face, radiating with pride and satisfaction, as she slung the baseball bat over her shoulder. She placed her free arm around Lexi’s shoulder in approval. For a moment, the two women simply stood there, admiring their handiwork.

This kind of a rush was rare, and they really managed to pull it off this time. No amount of ridicule that they had endured in the past for being clumsy, or awkward, or uncoordinated, or stupid, could possibly erase this or take it away from them. Something new was definitely happening. Something new and completely different from what they knew and who they were.

They took each-others now greasy, squalid hands. The filth didn’t bother them one bit. Rather, it felt liberating. There’d be plenty of time to get cleaned up later, but for now, they would accept the grime. Allow themselves to enjoy the release. They’d earned it. They walked down the street, barefoot. Dee with a baseball bat still slung over one shoulder.

Strangers stared and whispered as they walked by, but the two girls ignored them. It didn’t matter All that mattered now was the moment. The feeling they were sharing. Oh, and crack of course. That still mattered. They still had a physical urge that they couldn’t deny so easily. It would be a bit of a trek still.

“Dee, do you think we should try to find our shoes? It’s gonna be like, another ten blocks.” Lexi suggested.

“Don’t worry about it!” Dee said “They probably got stolen a minute after we kicked ‘em off. Do you know of any shops on the way?” she prompted.

The dark-haired girl paused for a moment, in thought.

“Yeah, I think there’s a couple, but I’m not sure which ones will serve us looking the way we do right now. Wanna just soldier through?”

Dee’s face lit up again.

“Fuck yeah, I wanna soldier through! And I love the fact that you said it like that! I’m just gonna’ say, whatever’s going on with you and me, it’s seriously working!” she said, with more vivacity and sincerity than she had been able to muster in years. Lexi began to glow.

“I know, right? I definitely won’t pass up any opportunities to fuck up frat boys in the future! We fucking rocked!”

“Shit yeah! We were like… like Harley Quinn, and… and…”Dee wracked her mind to think of another appropriate character.

“Well, we can’t both be Harley Quinn.” Lexi interjected.

“Well, yeah. Obviously, I’m Harley Quinn here… You can be… I donno’. Cat woman, maybe?” Dee offered. Lexi wrinkled her nose.

“I like cats as much as much as the next artist, but that Halle Barry flick really killed the character… Ooo, I know! I could be Pris! Ya’ know, from Blade Runner! I love that movie!” Lexi lit up at the thought. Dee made a strange, somewhat disapproving face.

“See, now you’re mixing media, and the combo doesn’t really make sense, so…” As Dee spoke, Lexi raised a hand to interrupt.

“It doesn’t have to make sense, Dee. It just has to work. And I think it does, so maybe let’s just Go with it?” Lexi argued.

Dee paused a moment, fighting her natural impulse to tell Lexi she was being stupid. They both needed this. They both needed to leave their comfort zones. And she decided for once, maybe she should just go with what feels right. She let go of her tension and defensiveness and smiled at Lexi.

“Sweet Dee.” Dee responded. Lexi took a puzzled expression.

“What’s that now?”

“My friends call me Sweet Dee. And I’m cool with you using it.” She completed the thought.

Lexi smiled.

“I like that. Ok! Sweet Dee! That’s how I’m gonna introduce you to my stupid friend!”

Dee shook her head, scrunching up her face a bit in her familiar way.

“Oh, no! Not for that guy! He doesn’t get to call me Sweet Dee. From the way you described him, he sounds like a total bo… a total dildo!” Dee smirked. Lexi giggled at her new friend’s comment. She noticed what she was doing.

“Right! That was for me, not Macon. Fuck that boner!”

 

Fin

**Author's Note:**

> Goddang! That was a ride, wasn't it? So as always, I have to remind my audience that this is not an endorsement of hardcore drug use, nor a glamorization of toxic relationships. Yes, Dee and Lexi do believe that they have a healthy dynamic because they are doing some good things for each other psychologically. And yes, they do actually work better as a team than they do with their respective comrades in their respective works. But we still end with the two of them covered in alley grease, walking through the city without shoes, and on the course to get crack cocaine when we finish. They are not healthy girls. I'm not pretending they are.
> 
> Never the less, they are still magnificent. And both of these statements can be true.
> 
> Also to note, I do not condone Dee’s transphobic language nor Lexi’s ablist language in any way. Lexi’s very in character reprimand of Dee for her also very in character casual ignorance was meant to in some way express my lack of acceptance of this behavior. However, I did have to keep Lexi in character as well, and she falls prey to her own form of ignorance which Dee is not equipped to recognize or point out.


End file.
